Mcons Mind

Well another one is in the books. I am ...lets see ...53.   I never expected to live this long.  I say that seriously. When we are young our view of the work is very unrefined and we are often in a hurry to do things. I saw myself married at 24. Kids by 30. I had no plans after that, but I never envisioned my kids married or with kids of their own.I saw married with kids as the end of my life to an extent. I do not think that way now. I now see the world very differently and in fact see my own past very differently . While young I never expected to be this old. Now that I am old I can't believe I lived past my being young. Too many risks. Too many stupid decisions. Bad choices. Mind you my life is worth living now because along the way I made some good choices. My friends the Horsemen. My wife. The decision to have children. All risks as well, but the kind that have returns on your investment. Choices that I made without real thought but now celebrate reg...

Lately I have been to a lot more funerals that has to this point been the norm. I suspect as I get older this will just increase. I also have started to think about my own mortality as I am now starting to out live people that I did not suspect I would, so I imagine that the hammer could fall at any second almost. In attending a funeral I realized upon some reflection that the man being buried held some qualities that I admired and respected.  I never told him that and now of course I can't. If I believed in an afterlife I would be comforted with the knowledge that "Well he knows now where he is" but I don't. So I have to learn to live with the fact I waited too long. So this post is really me taking some time to reach out to some folks to let them know I respect and love them. It's not a wholly inclusive list. and it is by no means complete.   It will grow as I think and reflect about things and people more and more. For now it's just a start but I want t...

Horsemen I have a group of friends that I have known since I was 19/20 years old. These were friends I met during the summer. Over the years we spent many many summers working together at a training facility for young people. The work, while very rewarding and personally gratifying, was hard. It usually was a 0600hr rise and concluded at 2000hrs in the evening.  14 hours a day and they were very often very active days.  Housing/clothing and food was provided. Work consisted of 6/7 days a week and the work term was 6-8 weeks depending. This work we did for many years together. As a result of the hard work and significant challenges we faced daily, the most valuable commodity available was time. If someone gave you time, or helped you save time, they were giving you something that was gold. Time was the one thing you never had enough of ever!  The result of this reality is that the friendships formed out of mutual support became significant not only because of what th...

This post is just a way of me blowing off some steam. I wrote it some time ago but never had the courage to post it at the time. I require no support or assistance I just needed to state the obvious out loud so that I can see and read it for myself and hopefully learn from it.  Clarity and Balance are often difficult to manage. I am difficult person. I know this because despite peoples claims of my insensitivity I often see and get more than people think.  I have very specific ideas and visions as to how I want to live my life. I am not good at allowing others to dictate to me,  nor am I good at allowing others to have control of my life. I am opinionated. I can be loud. I take risks and I can be impulsive and reactionary in my behaviors. I can, and have, often acted in self destructive ways and could/likely will again tomorrow or the next day.  I am restless and looking for balance but that balance often eludes me. That said, I am happily (at least I am...