The Measure of a Man

I don't believe in God. A decision I came to a long time ago and have grown more obstinate about recently. While I once just tolerated others believing nowadays I become annoyed and agitated when they (Other People) just assume I am a christian like them. Likewise I do not believe as I am told that religion is good. Nor do I believe it is harmless. All this said one of the few times it causes me concern of any real nature is when someone dies.

Given that I don't believe, how can I offer comfort or support someone else in their mourning? You see, I do not believe the dead are in "a better place."  Even if I did for that matter, wouldn't it be presumptuous of me to assume to know what good or evil was in their heart when they died? So not believing in heaven or hell puts me in a bind. You see, when people say things like "god has just received another angel..", well, I think that's crap. But I am well aware that at a time of a death or someones passing,  people are prone to saying and even believing things like that, because it helps them cope. (This begins to move into where I don't believe religion is harmless but I will save that rant for another day..) The belief in an afterlife gives people comfort that their life has not been without purpose or meaning and I get that. That their departed friend or relative is happier now despite their non-existence on a human plane of reality. Accepted.

But what I can offer and lately have been offering is to let people know my thoughts are with them and if I can I will offer what ever support or aid they need to get by. In Newfoundland where i come from, people usually cook for the bereaved. At first glance it may seem strange but it is not unusual for people who are bereaved to be in shock and/or have lots of things to do and arrange etc. Doing their cooking and baking allows them to deal with the important stuff and still be able to offer well wishing visitors who drop by to offer support a cup of tea (warm beverage for mourning) or a scone. (Side edit - if you couldn't be bothered to visit folks when they are living why would you visit them when they are dead?) So I let people far away know I am thinking of them,  and people nearby get buns or a bunt or scones. What I have difficulty with though is placing them in an afterlife. (Good or Bad) And I always feel i should challenge those that profess the prick they hated yesterday was suddenly "deep down a good guy". (because only good guys die apparently - as long as your a prick you live on..?)

But when folks pass away, or just move away. How do you assess their import or impact? As a non-believer who can never be saved, what would drive my morality to not be that prick?

Alas I have no answer but to revert to my mom's sage advice. (Just as my brother did) My mom's had a rule about borrowing things that was very simple. You were expected to always try to return things better than you got them. That's it. And I guess then that the measure of a person has to be just that. So now here comes the interesting part. Using this logic and this concept as a guideline I have often found myself valuing the work of folks that other people thought were pricks!! I don't care that my CO of 510 when i was 18 years old was a blankity blankity blank. I learned a lot from him. Important things. So while I might never allow him to run my cadet unit he left me better than he got me. He had value  - at least to me. Teachers whom I hated at the time taught me important lessons and their impact on me was life altering so I have to evaluate them as a good person who did good things.

I believe we should look at and examine the lives and actions of others as a way of benchmarking ourselves in how we live our lives.  It is far too easy and common to evaluate people on what was done most recently or by what made the headlines in the year past. If you are to evaluate the lives of the people you have rubbed up against, you must consider so much more than last years news. You have to examine their motivations, their passions, their intentions, and the marks they left on the organizations, work, and people they came into contact with. I believe that if you do,  you will find no individual will be all bad or all good. That upon closer examination, people are far more complex and worthy or more than a cheap quick label. I believe you will find the Ying and the Yang. The whole as a sum of good and bad with a little good in the bad and a little bad within the good. How you see them will depend on your perspective. (Rotate the Ying-yang and the sides reverse!) I believe to grow we need to have that thoughtful look. To be fair we need to have that thoughtful look.

Christ is reported to have said, "Judge not, lest you be judged."  I don't think the issue is in judging, it's in what you take away from judging.  If you are not able to judge without seeing yourself in what you examine, if your judge without the ability to see the whole individual ... well you are only seeing half the circle, you don't have the full picture, and in that case... christian or not... I'd go with what the Christ feller said....