Facades

As much as we would like  like to, I have come to the conclusion we cannot hide from what we have done, nor more importantly what/who we are. This is bothersome. It is bothersome because we live in a world of Hippocratic subterfuge. None of us are who, or what, we say we are. We try to be, of that I have no doubt, but we move through the world most often trying to be what is expected of us by others. The responsible youth, the committed boyfriend, the dutiful spouse, the loyal employee, etc. These are all roles we adopt and shed as the situation requires but we are imperfect. We falter, and as much as we would like,  we cannot always stay who we wish to be, who we are expected to be, nor continue to claim to be that which we want others to think we are.

I know policemen who regularly smoke weed. They are decorated members of a police force and do their job well but they break the law. They are criminals according to the law. We see them as law keepers, but they are in fact law breakers, the opposite of what they pretend to be. I know people who have lied, cheated, stolen, etc. and now hold positions of trust and responsibility that belie who they are, or who they were. (They would claim no doubt claim that, “that was then, this is now.”   But some continue to this day to carry out the acts that conflict with their public image, though they don’t know I am aware of it!)  The problem though, is that the truth does not sit well behind a wall. It struggles to be free, known, and accepted. And in it’s struggle to be known it creates more facades, more subterfuge, more lies, and more stress and strain on the keepers of secrets.

The more we struggle to hide who and what we are and what we have done, the more lies, deception, and hippocratic subterfuge we require to support the illusion. It drains us and ages us, it makes us ugly creatures, and more importantly, it prevents us for truly becoming the person that we all want to be,  the person we want others to see when they look at us. I say this having a closet full of my own skeletons. I believe the elderly are full of wisdom because these struggles after a long life are resolved. They have discarded what matters not and made peace with what does. They have learned to  accept the things that they cannot change.

 I discovered some time ago that supporting a friend that wished to hide from themselves and their ugly past truths did not help them. It grew and festered and created more strain, more stress, and more denial of who and what they were. I tried to warned them of the strain they place on themselves and others.  But my warnings went unheeded.  I moved on as it is the only thing I could do. Acceptance of truth is required. No matter how ugly vile or disgusting.

 Only acceptance of shared truths allow closure so everyone can move on. The expression is true, “The truth shall set you free.”